Chris 77

Pants!

Pants can be confusing. Back in the day it used to be simple. You needed pants, you bought pants: boxer shorts or whatever, it was simply a case of venturing to the shops and buying some. But nowadays the pants—and sub industries—have changed enormously. When purchasing boxer shorts you are bombarded with not only all the different fashionable styles, but the various different types. There are boxers with buttons, boxers with no openings at all—just strange—and the worst kind: the boxers which have a kind of triple opening that you must negotiate. This is fine when you have all the time in the world, but a nightmare when you only want to take a quick trip to the toilet. What should be an exercise in simplicity quickly spirals out of control. You have to yank fabric this way then that, while doing it in the correct order, otherwise dangerous things happen to the private parts as they get trapped in between–

I have no idea who came up with this ludicrous design, but I don’t doubt it was the same man as who came up with that most frustrating of pants design. Allow me to demonstrate.

Last week I was thrashing around wildly in my sleep, something that, for some reason, seems to accompany any good night’s sleep I have. When I awoke I noticed something alarming: my boxer shorts were up around my nipples! That’s right, it was as if a crane had hoisted them up my body and was trying to suffocate me. I thought this was a one off, but no, it wasn’t. It happened every night for three days. It became such a familiar happening that I started to consider if I should attach bungee ropes to the end of the bed, such as to keep the pants fixed in their rightful place.

On a completely different topic, but surprisingly still related to clothings, I am trying to think of something for my best friend as a gift. When I was having a chat with her the other week she said that she would like a new pair of running shoes. Anyone know of a reliable place to get girl shoes?