Chris 77

VAIN

From a young age we are told that vanity is bad for us. “Don’t love yourself” or “Don’t stare at yourself too long in the mirror” or even “Don’t splash out on that Luxury designer bedding, its just you”, and this is all good and well, but it can be taken a bit too far. By telling children not to love themselves they may end up hating themselves, and surely that can’t be good, can it?

It’s a fine line. When one looks at ones self too often in the mirror one tends to fall in love with ones face. But is that a bad thing? I don’t think so! As a vain and proud man I gaze at myself often and for long periods of time. Some of my best memories, in fact, are of me gazing at myself naked as a child. I fell in love with myself, you see, and I once or twice even considered marrying myself. Because, let’s face it, why would you want to marry someone else when you’ve already met the perfect person?

The best thing about marrying ones self is that there are no surprises to come. Everything you already need for a long and successful marriage is already installed in your brain. And plus, if you ever did fall out of love then the divorce settlement would be mutually beneficial! No fighting over children either, it’d be just fine!

The one down-side of this is that you may get bored with marrying yourself. The other, which was recently pointed out to me, is that you may also run out of conversation. Now, this may happen to a peasant, no offence, but it is unlikely to happen to a stunningly attractive intellectual such as myself. I will never run out of things to say to Me. Moreover, if I ever do get bored of my appearance (which I find highly improbable to say the least) I can just dress myself up differently: when you’re the perfect human, it really isn’t all that hard!